Rude Jude Loves You

to my aunt kathi, who told me at thanksgiving dinner that my...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:02:00 -0800

to my aunt kathi, who told me at thanksgiving dinner that my drug stories made her feel uneasy.

this shot right here is from like a year ago, i came across it whilst looking for a new facebook profile pic. i don’t know if you can tell in the pic but, i had been up since the night before on an ecstasy bender.

i had done E with some friends and went back home still high. sitting there in my home, spun out of my mind i decided to get a massage, ecstasy massages being a favorite of mine. i used to do that in NY, dose myself and then go get a rub and tug at one of the korean spots on 35th street down by 5th ave. The korean rub and tugs are cool, but somebody needs to tell those chicks to lay off on the kimchi before they get into that small ass room breathing all over you. it”s the worst breath ever. one time i ate too much e and went in there with ecstacy dick, e dick is like whiskey dick. that poor little korean lady must’ve jerked me off for 30 minutes tryin to get me to bust to no avail. me being on ecstasy had fallen in love with her during the hand job and tried to save her from her life as a dick massager. i gave her my number, she never called. the next time i thought if i ate a viagra with the E my penis’d be more responsive, a funny thing happens when you eat an upper like ecstasy with viagra, it speeds up your heart rate and damn near have a heart attack. if i was 50 and had done that, i’d prolly been dead on the bed. i was laying there on the bed burning up with my heart jumping out of my chest, i thought i was gonna die, the korean lady thought i was gonna die, she jerked me off quick ass hell. i busted a nut and she got me the fuck outta there before i died on her table, so i went to fuck-friends house in the east village and ate her out till the buzz wore off and went home. i like that e sex shit, it creates some intimacy i can’t usually achieve. i got issues, i was thinking about going to sex addicts anonymous, but i was like, nah.

lemme get back to this picture story, so it was 5 in the AM and i was trying to get a back rub and i’m up on craigslist shopping for a masseuse, by the time i hooked one up it was 7 and i was coming down off the drugs, so i thought i should probably pop some more E, the problem with all night E benders is, after a while your serotonin becomes depleted and it doesn’t matter how much more E you take, you stop feeling the euphoria and just end up a jittery mess, teeth grindin and wired, laying in bed with sun rays shooting through the widows. that’s what i was by the time the masseuse was finished with me. i jerked off and tried to go to sleep after that but to no avail.

which brings us to this pic. 15 hours later and still spun out i threw down a sleeping pill and ended up at my homeboys birthday party at a restaurant in los feliz. it was a birthday dinner with a bunch of yuppie hipsters. i was sittin at the loser end of the table with my homies kev and rebecca next me, on the other side was some old rockstar’s spoiled kid and his overbearing, gold digging, vegetarian eating, yoga girlfriend, at the head of the table with the birthday boy sat the winners, including the jewish dude that got punched in the face in the dazed and confused movie and some sceenster djs. i wasn’t cool enough for that side of the table. this is not me complaining this is me painting a picture for you, i wanted to sit with them about as much as they wanted me. i like kev and rebecca and we had a photo-shoot on our side instead, producing gems like the pic above me. it was all good till the sleeping pill kicked in and i leaned back my chair, nodded for a moment and flipped that bitch over onto the concrete. they gasped. i layed there for a moment staring up into the air, wondering how i got there, on my back on the sidewalk, in front of Lil’ Dom’s, on the loser side of the table, tweeked out of my mind, in a turquoise shirt. people crowded around me, clutching at me to see if i was ok, they thought i busted my shit open. i jumped up and mumbled something about me being cool and it was the xanax i ate that made me fall and I ate my arugula and shaved parmigiana salad and went home and smashed this waitress i had met at another birthday dinner and we’re still friends to this day.

i wasn’t invited to my homie’s birthday dinner this year, he must’ve lost my number.

vent

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 08:54:00 -0800

so this whole mortgage crash, “depression” thing is really effecting me in a negative way. me, i didn’t get any government bail out and i’m not getting any help from their stimulus plan and i make too much to get some sweet tax break, what i do get is a bunch of bitter middle aged assholes, who’ve lost their homes, moving into the apartments in my building.

i just had another pussy whooped black motherfuckin cornball and his bitch ass wife move into the apartment below me. on their third day here they were banging on their cieling because we were walking too loud, at midnight, on a friday. i said you gotta be fucking kidding me, you here three days and you’re already complaining, get in where you fit in chief. so i go downstairs to holler at this motherfucker the next morning, i’m trying to be cool, i’m like hey sorry about last night but it was friday and it was for 30 seconds, lemme give you my number if you got a problem call me, like a fuckin adult dont bang on your ceiling. he couldn’t even look me in the eye. he said he can hear us walk. he said maybe we should take off OUR shoes when we come in OUR house. i looked at him like he was crazy. i said i can hear you talk when you wake up at 7am and i can hear your music and tv through my floor, i’m not asking you to change and i’m not complaining because I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT and when living in an apartment you hear shit. i said it with a smile on my face, all nice and shit mind you. i thought we had an understanding. the understanding being you can hear me, i can hear you, that’s life.

my room mate’s lap dog got sick the other night and woke us all up and was puking on the rug and wildin’ out and shit. what these fuckers below me do? first holler at us about it, i think it’s squashed, nope he went and fired off an email to my landlord about the dog and the heels. STOP SNITCHING!!! now i gotta deal with broken english emails from my korean landlord. my neighbors said they can hear the dog walk, what you want us to do? teach him to float? if you’re that noise sensitive maybe you shouldn’t have moved into the BOTTOM unit of an apartment with HARDWOOD FLOORS asshole. i know you used to have a home and you’re new to this living close to other people thing, but here’s a clue, hardwood floors are loud, because they’re hard and they’re wood and there’s no carpeting to muffle.

you know what the worst part is? me being a reasonable man, actually tried to comprimise. i take my off my shoes, like a fuckin bitch, before i go in my bedroom because it’s directly above their room and i don’t want to disturb them. there’s no pleasing some people. i can’t wait till i start fucking again, they’ll probably cry about that too. i’m thinking about these assholes waaaaay to much, but this world is set up where the tattle tale get’s their way. squeaky wheel get’s the grease.

when some black people moved in i thought i was gonna have to deal with Luther Vandross being too loud on saturday afternoons and the smell of deep fried meats permeating my kitchen. instead i get some passive aggressive snitches mad cuz they didn’t have their shit together enough to keep their house, fucking with me on a daily basis and i get the smell of fried fish. i’ll be real with you, i’m not good at all that passive aggressive shit, all that smiley face backstabbing shit. you pretty much know where you stand with me. with me it’s either we live in peace or it’s all out war, no in between. right now, i’m feeling like war.

ho ho ho

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:28:00 -0800

here’s a little christmas mix i threw together using some songs from my uncle steve’s xmas mix and some of my own. i haven’t listened to it yet all the way through but i’m sure you’ll enjoy it. i didn’t throw on any contempory xmas music on thier, like eazy e and run dmc, because i don’t like rap songs about xmas fucking with my sinatra joints. these songs remind me of my childhood, drinkin eggnog and decorating the xmas tree and fires burning at my grandparents house and all the good stuff about christmas. hopefully this little mix’ll make you feel all warm and nostalgic and shit.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

1. nat king cole - a house with love in it
2. frank sinatra - santa clause is coming to town
3. Andy Williams - sleigh ride
4. Aretha Franklin - winter wonderland
5. johnny mathis - we need a little christmas
6. chuck berry - run run rudolph
7. the beach boys - little saint nick
8. bing crosby & ella fitzgerald - marshmellow world
9. the temptations - my christmas tree
10. nat king cole - christmas song
11. Random Kids Singing - the first noel
12. Vince Guarladi - Hark the herald
13. Random kids singin with a lady - Jingle Bells
14. Jimmy Durante - frosty the snowman
15. unknown - boogie woogie santa
16. Random kids - i am a c-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n
17. alvin and the chipmunks - all i want for xmas
18. barry gordon - nuttin’ for xmas
19. ertha kitta - santa baby
20. jackson 5 - give love on christmas day
21. dean martin - silver bells
22. arthur goodfrey - i saw mommy kissing santa
23. luther vandross - have yourself a merry little xmas
24. john lennon - happy xmas the war is over
25. vince guaraldi - xmas time is here
26. john denver & the muppets - xmas is coming
27. leon redbone - i’ll be home for xmas
28. elvis presley - blue xmas
29. chris isaak - mele kalikimaka
30. louis armstrong - white xmas
31. random kids singing - let there be peace on earth
32. the orioles - what are you doing new years eve

my uncle steve didn’t provide me with a track list so i had to guess with some of the shit. other songs i had no idea what they were. enjoy.

http://www.zshare.net/download/69374332ac57440a/

CLICK HERE TO GET THE MIX

hahaaaahaaaaa. this gay dude clowned her! i’ma quote my...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:30:34 -0800

hahaaaahaaaaa. this gay dude clowned her!

i’ma quote my man Kurupt from the dog pound…..

“Shut the fuck up bitch,
Eat a dick bitch,
Eat a bowl of shit bitch,
Munch on a mouthful of balls, in halls and malls
Just shut the fuck up bitch and work your jaws”

what a dick. this fuckin asshole updates his facebook at his own...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:15:00 -0800

what a dick.

this fuckin asshole updates his facebook at his own wedding.

wow. i hate people.

e i e i o

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:34:00 -0800

i went with jack and joelle to go volunteer at this farm school for pregnant teenagers today. Joelle and Jack go there every other week, they’re on some throw back shit. They farm and brew their own beer and sew their own clothes and make shit from scratch, while listening to old ass folk music from the 1800’s, and make bow and arrows that could fuck you up. every time i come home to visit, they’ve learned a new trade. like if the next time i saw them, i came in the house and they were churning butter, i wouldn’t bat an eye. thus the farm. it’s a pretty cool idea, they got this all girl school and they got these chicks working on the farm for an hour a day. i got there early so i didn’t see it but you’ll see these little chicks with their hair done and bubble coats and acrylic nails and shit, straight milking goats and tending gardens and shit. pretty dope.

joelle and jack go there and feed the ducks and rabbits and goats and chickens, collect the eggs, and change water for all the animals. here’s what i did, i milked the goats. Milking’s pretty easy, you just pinch the top of the udder with your thumb and pointer finger and then you squeeze down with the rest of your hand. It’s easier to do if you got little hands, that’s why the pregnant chicks excell at goat milking. I milked Apple the goat and then i milked a goat by the name of Royal Gem, but Royal Gem was being a dick and put her hoof in the milk bowl right when we had like one squeeze left, so we had to throw it all out. Then Joelle got out Tabitha the old goat and she was being a asshole, yanking her head around and being fussy because she used to be Head Goat In Charge but now Apple’s the HGIC because she produces more milk and has babies and Tabitha knows it, so now Tabitha’s all difficult and bitter about life. jack took Tabitha and she chilled the fuck out. You just gotta show these goats who’s boss. Jack feels for Tabitha, so he’s kind to her, he gave her extra feed and let her eat off the brussle sprout leaves on the way back to the pen. I guess Tabitha had another goat friend too, but she got fucked up by a pack of wild dogs, packs of wild dogs being common in certain parts of the D because it’s fucking mad max beyond the thunderdome out here.

the backdrop for the school is a post-apocalyptic detroit. you look at the block and see, a bombed out building, a boarded up house, an abandoned field filled with junk, an abandoned factory, a brand spanking new church and the school. it’s fucking bizarre. surreal if you will. i’m used to seeing the bombed out collapsing houses next to the churches, that’s detroit’s calling card, i’m just not used to the barn next to it, but i guess that is the movement for the forward thinkers of detroit, to turn all that abandoned property into farm land, to get back to basics. i don’t know if that’s a realistic goal but i guess it’s better than what we got right now. and the school seems like it’s pretty good for the kids, especially coming from a district as shitty as detroit’s, with the highest drop out rate in the country and where they run out of essentials like light bulbs and toilet paper, learning about sex from watching bunnies fuck seems pretty cool to me, even though these chicks already know how to fuck because they’re pregnant. they also teach the girls about the importance of breast feeding and shit like that. the farm school is basically a wet dream for liberals, teaching minorities about life through farm work, splash. the splash was me shooting semen everywhere from that progressive idea.

now i’m wiping it up.

down on the farm

jack and apple

joelle showing me how to milk a goat

me and this adorable little fucker. i think the kids wanna name her Goatie Locks.

this right here, is a jive turkey. gobble gobble gobble.

tabitha used to run shit, now she’s the last to get milked, circle of life man, circle of life.

one of the many bombed out buildings detroit has to offer. you can go to any neighborhood in the d, drive a mile or two and find shit loads of decrepit abandoned homes and businesses.

contemporary christmas music. Christmas Shoes i must be living...

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 18:15:00 -0800

contemporary christmas music.

Christmas Shoes

i must be living under a rock or something because the Christmas Shoes song is brand new to me, and judging by the number of views this video right here got, over a million, it’s quite popular.

the first time i heard it i was at a thrift store, shopping with my cuz and my sis, when this song comes on with this redneck singing about some kid’s dying mom and how he wants to cop some shoes for his mom before she dies, or as the redneck abortion clinic bomber puts it, “before she meets jesus”, but the kid is poor and dirty and cant afford the shoes so he gives the kid money. when it finally finished 5 minutes later, i looked at my cousin and asked, “what the fuck was that?”

i’m not exagerating when i say this, i’ve never heard a bigger piece of shit song in my whole entire life. this is hands down the worst christmas song i ever heard, ever. This is the song that our generation offers up for christmas? while past eras give us, jingle bell rock, merry christmas the war is over and silver bells, we give the world the fucking christmas shoe song. jesus fucking christ. this song makes me wanna go back in time, put a shotgun to mary’s belly, pull the trigger and put buckshot in baby jesus, and forever cancel christmas, so i would never have to hear this song again.

so i came home and i was telling joelle and jack about this shitty song and looked it up on internet and came across this video. wow. just when i thought that this song couldn’t get any worse, some film school dipshits produced this gem. i only made it 2 minutes into the video before i turned it off, i didn’t even get to see his mom die, but the shit i saw….pure genius. i cant believe people actually auditioned to be part of this. my favorite part, the little kid lip syncing and the way man was looking at the little boy like he wanted to penetrate him, repeatedly. and the shoes themselves, ugly as fuck. i saw them and i was like really kid? this is what you want your mom to die in? some fuckin galoshes? whatever you deserve to be poor. and what the fuck was he hurrying the cashier for? he didn’t even have money for the kicks anyway. and who the fuck rolls up in a store and picks out some shit he doesn’t have money for? what a little asshole, i’m glad his mom is dead.

here’s some lyrics from the song enjoy…

It was almost Christmas time
There I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two
Not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And in his hands he held
A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn’t believe what I heard him say

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there’s not much time
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

He counted pennies for what seem like years
And cashier says son there’s not enough here
He searched his pockets franticly
And he turned and he looked at me
He said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I’ve got to buy her these Christmas shoes

So I layed the money down
I just had to help him out
And I’ll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma’s gonna look so great.

so based on this song, besides being dumb, christians are also poor and dirty. sweet! Gooooooooooo Christianity!! I swear to god whenever people find jesus they get fucking lame, look at what christianity did to the vikings and chris tucker.

there’s only one person i know who liked this song, my mom. she teared up the first time she heard it. but i think that was more about hormones and less about song writing.

merry xmas!!

so the shitty song inspired a short story which inspired a movie featuring rob lowe and uses the song in the soundtrack and gave terrorists one more reason to fly planes into our buildings.

it's black friday

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:50:23 -0800

just a reminder, you don’t have to prove your love to your family by buying them a lot of shit they don’t need and a deal’s not a deal if it puts you in debt. try and avoid paying for christmas well into next year. if you must join this cluster fuck of shopping, and fighting and cutting in lines and being herded around stores like cattle, try and shop from small businesses and buy american and shit like that. me, i haven’t bought gifts for people in years and i’m all the better for it. you won’t see a happier person than me during the holiday season. my kid gets one thing but that’s it and as a matter of fact i think i’m cutting her off in a year too.

i decided on the no gifts thing years back, Asia was 4 or 5 years old, i was dead broke and had to go to the dollar store to get her gifts. man, i felt like shit about it. i felt ashamed that my daughter had to have little cheap ass dollar store presents and to add insult to injury, the dollar store shit was breaking me. i gave her her presents, she didn’t know the difference but i was sitting there dying inside. i said to myself, ‘this is some bullshit. this is christmas, this is the one time a year you’re supposed to feel good. and look at me, I’m sitting here feeling bad about my kid, hoping she doesn’t notice the difference between her gifts from me and the other ones. feeling bad that i didn’t cop shit for the rest of my fam. i spent all my money on gifts and i still feel like shit. i’m not being stressed out for christmas.’ i looked around and saw all my little cousins wildin’ out, opening their shit and as soon as one was opened they tossed their present aside for the next and the next and the next after that. then it hit me. i had one of those, “what have we become” moments, i don’t know if it was excessive shopping or the sheer number of the cousins but it was out of control. i said, “no more. no more buying shit for christmas. this ain’t christmas, i can’t even hear the christmas carols over this gift orgy. fuck feeling bad, fuck buying gifts. i’m done.” and i that was it. i make money now but i still don’t concern myself with presents on xmas, i buy shit for people when i feel like, i give year round so fuck it.

join jude, sit down and have a chat with your family, agree to pare back on christmas spending or ban it all together or even make shit for each other. wouldn’t that be something? making some shit. instead of consuming, you’re creating. me, i’m just gonna show up with some food a bottle of wine and love and spread christmas cheer like AIDS in Africa.

one more little video i was watching from the classic...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:47:00 -0800

one more little video i was watching from the classic Thanksgiving movie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles

happy thanksgiving! spend time with the fam, eat turkey, watch...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:03:56 -0800

happy thanksgiving! spend time with the fam, eat turkey, watch the lions lose.

.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 06:59:00 -0800

so i’m back from the florida, i got to see my daughter and she’s gotten big. she’s grown into a beautiful, bright young woman, she’s gonna end up better than me. that was the highlight of my trip, seeing Asia. everything else was a chore, but we did it. we all did it. i did it grudgingly but it got done. it’s funny to see the arc of a person’s life. if you would’ve told me 10 years ago, over thanksgiving dinner, in a house packed with aunts and uncles and grandkids, and italian food and turkey, that my nonnie would go the way she went, i wouldn’t have believed you. But that’s how she went. she died far away from her family with us fighting amongst ourselves. Half of her grandkids didn’t even show, they didn’t even show up to their own grandma’s funeral. i wish we could’ve held it in a smaller room so it didn’t feel so empty. but we were in florida, so what are you gonna do? she’s not from florida she’s from detroit and leominster mass, not florida. the priest showed up late and couldn’t figure out if my nonnie was a “him” or a “her”. my father, self involved fucker that he is, couldn’t keep from name dropping himself in her eulogy. he talked about being an actor and i cringed. i watched as he turned her eulogy into a monologue all the time saying, “Look I’m an actor and i don’t wanna turn this into a monologue.” i didn’t believe his tears up there at the podium, he was too self aware to not come off like he was acting, poorly. i watched him and saw things i hated about myself. we cried and we cried and we cried. at the grave sight i had to watch on as some greasy redneck preacher fuck, stood over her casket and bullshitted his way through the service, mispronouncing her name mispronouncing my uncle’s name, and pretending he knew us. this motherfucker even had the audacity to say he talked to god and she was up there in heaven with him cooking with olive oil. really redneck, when’d you find time to do that, on the drive over from the funeral home? fuck you dude. we’re hurting over here, we’re mourning, don’t insult our intelligence too. if you told me 10 years ago it ended like that i woudn’t have believed it, but it did.

i showed up to florida angry and sad, angry at my family and sad for the loss of my nonna. i fought with everyone, my uncle, my father, my cousin and I was wrong. my family didn’t need anger it needed compassion but i had none to give. i still don’t but i’m trying. i’m trying to dig deep and let go. i lay in bed and i pray that i can find some forgiveness, some patience, some love for my family. i lost it somewhere down the line and i need to get it back.

I’d like to welcome everybody to the Channing show!!!! Man...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:53:00 -0800

I’d like to welcome everybody to the Channing show!!!!

Man i know it’s fucked up but i hate this little girl, look at her, with her own computer and stuffed animals and her stupid fucking name. Channing!!! Channing, you got busted in your shit!!! Channing!! I don’t know who I hate more, the kids, or the parents who keep creating these little monsters and giving them last names for first names. Channing and Hunter and Jackson and Mckenzie, you soft little fuckers.

it’s like one generation’s weaker than the next. My father’s softer than his father and I’m softer than him and my little cousins are fucking soft as shit, and Channing here, her and her whole generation’s gonna be a bunch of bitches. And worse than that they won’t even realize they suck. They’ll probably grow up to be some weak ass adults who cry every time someone says something disparaging to them and they won’t wanna work hard and watch they’ll have the nerve to tell their grandkids they grew up in the depression. i guess that’s the price of progress.

I realize that i come across like the grumpy old man that I hated so much growing up. But you know what all those grumpy old motherfuckers were right, and i appreciate them telling me to harden the fuck up. We are raising children who have no responsibilities whatsoever and all the freedoms in the world. Example, my big sister got fucked over in a camera transaction by a friend of my little sister, some chick named Erika Rich. I don’t know the details, she bought the camera, when she got home she realized something was broke and wanted to holler at her about it. This Erika Rich bitch avoided all her calls and finally had her fucking dad call my sister to try and intimidate her. Now in his head this douche bag fuckboy probably thought he was doing his little girl a favor by fighting her fights for her, but in reality he did her a huge disservice by not teaching her integrity and how to take responsibility for her actions and she ended up skipping out of paying her back and moving to texas and I’m sure she still sucks to this day.

These post-oprah born kids of yuppie parents are gonna ruin this country. I was talking to a chick yesterday. she told me camel’s milk is becoming all the rage for infants to drink. Camel’s milk huh, really? You don’t say? I asked her, “What about human’s milk, it’s worked for us since the beginning of time.” she laughed. i don’t know if she agreed or thought that it was laughable. i dropped it. i heard from a study that when you put your baby in a stroller, the baby should be facing the world so that it can learn shit. i also heard from another study that when you put your baby in a stroller, the baby should be facing you, so that it grows up secure. here’s what i think, who gives a fuck, just put the baby in the fucking stroller and stroll where you need to stroll already. while i’m at it if your kid is like 4 years old and can walk, take him out of the fucking stroller. i see these kids rolling around, big as hell in strollers with their knees touching their chins and and i wanna fuck them up. I’m sure there’s a study saying that not walking is good for a kid too. it’s all these books and studies and day-time fucking talk shows that are telling you what to do and selling you shit and collecting money off commercial revenue the whole time, that’s ruining shit. fuck studies. you know the last study that they did that actually mattered? the one where they figured out that you need to hug your kid every once in a while. other than that it’s all bullshit. all a kid needs is food and shelter and love.

now does any of this apply to Channing above me? i don’t know but I hate her too, with her pale ass face and all her cyber-friends. my homeboy Brian said that the only way he’d watch her shit is, if she hit herself in the head every show. I agree.

aight chall i gotta go hop on a plane and bury my nonnie. be easy.

Bangs -Take you to the Movies Callers React!!! Talk To...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:52:24 -0800

Bangs -Take you to the Movies

Callers React!!! Talk To Bangs!!!

ok so when O told me they were getting Bangs for the “hate it or love it” segment on the show, i shuddered. if you read my previous blog about the dude, you know how I feel. click here .

I didn’t want to subject this young dude to our callers and smash his dreams on the rocks of reality. I like what he’s doing, it may not be for our audience, but i’m sure it’s for somebody out there. Never the less, we played his shit and the callers torched him. we were able to get a couple people to call in that was feeling him and it seems like he got off the air in good spirits.

so if you wanna good laugh or to be horrified, click and play.

well at least i got something to write about

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:40:00 -0800

i got up this morning and i do what i always do, sit naked at the computer and try and write up some bullshit. i didn’t know what i was gonna write about today. i was probably gonna post a video of some asshole little girl getting fucked up or something. I’m not gonna do that. I’m doing this instead.

i got a call from my cousin Danny, he me told our Nonna died last night. That’s my grandmother on my father’s side, it’s Italian. Somewhere down the line we bastardized it and pronounced it Nonnie. It had been years since i last saw her, my grandfather moved them away from the family in Detroit and down to florida. She hated it down there. The last time I saw her we all were fighting. It was Christmas Eve and we were screaming on each other for one reason or another. My Nonnie and Nonno had taken to going to the casino to play the slots and developed a bit of a habit. My Nonnie was the lynch pin that held our family together and when she got addicted to the slots, it was a wrap. They went to the casino on that christmas eve and got back late and the house was a mess, my uncle was still wrapping presents, nothing was cooked, my aunt was late as usual, half my cousins weren’t there, and the ones who were there were fucking useless. Me and Rachel and Danny and Sarah had tried to organize it, but it was like shoveling shit against the tide with my dysfunctional ass family. everyone started yelling at each other over a bunch of different shit. shit from the present, shit from the past, everything. my daughter was crying because she wasn’t used to all the screaming, me i grew up with it, shit, i was hollering myself, keeping the cycle alive. shit was fucked up. we squashed it in the end but after that night i kind of wrote those motherfuckers off. yeah i loved em but they stressed me the fuck out. and that was it. i stopped fuckin with ‘em. i’d still see everybody every now and then but i didnt go out of my way to do it and that was pretty much the last that i saw of my grandparents.

when i was just a little kid, it was hard for me growing up. my parents were going through a tumultuous and violent divorce, and going to visit my Nonnie and Nonno had become one of the few places of solace for my sister and i, and we went there often. I love my Nonnie, she took care of me when i was young. she fed me homemade meatballs and made us polenta and pies, and we’d lie on the floor playing while she watched general hospital and we were loved and we were safe. that was enough at the time.

Then you grow up and become an adult and you see your parents and grandparents as the people they are. You see they’re human and have flaws just like everybody else. I wish I had been a little more forgiving of those flaws, let bygones be bygones and just squashed beef a little bit sooner. The last time I spoke to her she could barely talk and i was balling on the phone, like i was 4 again. when i think of my Nonna i”m not gonna think about her flaws, I’m gonna think about all the love she gave and what she did for me and how somehow she was able to keep our crazy ass family together. Lord knows what the Angelini’s are gonna do without her.

i’ll end this little entry with a story she used to tell. i must’ve heard a hundred times while playing cards or bocci or just sitting around having coffee and biscotti.

she’d say, “when jude was just a little boy, he had come over to the house to spend the night and when it was bed time, I says to him, I says, ‘Jude it’s time for you to go to sleep’ and Jude says but ‘Nonnie i’m not tired yet.’ and I says ‘that’s ok you don’t have to go to sleep. just lay down in the bed but whatever you do, don’t close your eyes’ and a few minutes later i’d hear from the bedroom, ‘nonnie my eyes are closing’ and i says ‘don’t you close your eyes’ and Jude’d say ‘but nonnie, my eyes are closing!’ and ‘I’d say you better not close yours eyes’ and i checked him a few minutes later and he was faaast asleep.”

the last time i spoke to her on the phone, she told me she didn’t like saying goodbye. she said “so long” instead. so, so long nonnie, i love you.

.

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:38:45 -0800

oh is that right? you feel it huh pooh? fuck you pooh. fuck you.

Video

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:07:34 -0800

movies

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:33:11 -0800

somebody asked me if was i gonna go see Precious. I told them I liked for my incest movies to make me wanna masturbate, not cry. they dropped it. though I did hear from my white friends that the movie was “authentic” to the ghetto experience, and they would know.

I’m not going to see twilight either because i’m not a 12 year old girl, who just started her period and is now into boys. nor am I some 30-something year old woman, grasping to her lost youth by ogling at teenage vampires. pah-fuckin-thetic.

hey dick-head zoolander wants his look back.

theugly: (via nevver) - CUBE hahahahahaaaaa comedy!!

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:08:21 -0800

theugly:

(via nevver) - CUBE

hahahahahaaaaa comedy!!

"have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire" - 50 Cent

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:04:00 -0800

first off lemme tell you about this pet peeve of mine, i hate, i fucking absolutely hate, when i talk rap to white people and they pronounce 50 Cent, fiddy cent, with the hard d’s and shit. that’s not how you say fifty in real life, why you doing that now? i listen to sports talk radio and those corny mother fuckers on there are always doing it or when i meet some motherfucker out to dinner and i tell em where i work and they’re all like, “cool, do you like Fiddy?” even some of my very own friends are guilty of it. i can’t tell whether they’re being patronizing or ironic and they’re doing the whole “hey i’m white, listen to me talk jive” thing or they just dont know what the hell to say. here’s what i have to say. i hate that, stop. when you go on itunes and type in his name to search it isn’t Fiddy Cent, it’s 50 Cent. i just typed in Fiddy Cent and some motherfucker named lazee lamont popped up.

Is that who you were talking about when you asked did i like fiddy? if so, no, no i don’t like that corny looking motherfucker. i like the rapper, 50 cent, kind of. ok, i think you get my point. i’ll tell you how to pronounce it in the future. Since his name is a number, you just say the number however you pronounce the number and then cent at the end, simple as that.

“Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire.” 50 never lied!

i’m sittin on the toilet this morning taking my morning shit and i forgot to bring in my kick ass, historical fiction viking saga so i start thumbing through The Source Magazine instead and i see the article below and I get heated. i’m shittin and i’m mad. I’m mad at the injustice of this bullshit system we live in. let’s take a look at this shit. let’s look at some of these women down here, who have successfully turned their useless pussies into money making machines. Who needs a job when all you gotta do is find rich motherfucker and poke a hole in the rubber, i’m not saying that’s what they did, but that’s all you need to do with the system we have in place.

there needs to be a statute of limitations, putting a ceiling on how much a person can get in child support per child. no way in hell should the courts be allowed to dole out your money however they see fit. As the parent you have a responsibility to help care for the child NOT to give them part of the fortune you amassed. If a person wants to shower their kid in riches, that should be their choice.

Nas was ordered to pay 40 grand a month. 40 grand a month to this fucking cunt. come on now. that’s just obscene. I’ma tell you something right now. If i was with a chick and it looked like she was gonna try and get me for that much money, i’d have her fucking killed and vanish her body. it takes a real heartless, gold diggin, opportunistic, evil bitch, to get in a motherfucker she supposedly loved, pocket’s like and deserves to die. i realize, i can never kill a future ex now, because they’d use this awsome bit of writing i’m doing against me in court, but i’m just saying, she’d be fucking dead, that’s all. Nas, he ended up working it out with Kelis, because he had to. He couldn’t afford to pay her ass all that money. that’s all his Illmatic money and Stillmatic money and It Was Written cash. All he’s gonna be left with was God’s Son. imagine the bullshit he has to deal with now, looking at this evil bitch every fucking day, waking up to her ass. I don’t know how he does it i bet it takes a lot of weed to cope.

for years and years women were getting fucked over by dudes, they’d knock em up an abandon them. i missed those times which kid of sucks. sometimes i wish i could get every girl pregnant but i can’t. now the pendulum has swung too far the other way and has given the woman waaaay too much power to fuck you over and the thing about power is, power corrupts. hopefully we can find a nice middle sometime.

classics

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:32:08 -0800

classics