predator
I got the 2CE from Chiko’s people. It’s a psychedelic, you snort it and see music.
Pretty fuckin’ cool huh?
They were telling me they snort it and hit the water park, the body buzz is that good. It feels like you’re cumming when they go down the water-slide.
I tell ‘em, “That’s creepy.”
Johnny, he’s like, “Yeah, I was in the kiddie pool with a boner and didn’t realize it. No one told me.”
I’m like, “Hell naw.”
We’re laughing. The hipsters on the couch stop watching Adult Swim long enough to give us a dirty look. Fuck them and fuck skinny jeans. I cop 5, I wish i had copped more.
Paulie’s like, “What do you plan on doing on it?
What I do on all my drugs?
I tell him.
“Fuck.”
Johnny’s like, “That’ll be awsome. Better have her get the morning after pill. You’re not gonna be able to tell if you came or not it feels so good.”
“I’m straight I’ma rock a condom.”
They look at me like I’m a dick, “A condom?”
“As many fucking abortions I’ve had to lobby for, condoms are a must.”
I ended up doing it that Saturday with a girl I’m seeing. We went apartment hunting then had us some dinner. I threw the 2CE on a plate, chopped that shit up and we went for it.
She was nervous, she never tripped before.
I say, “Snort that shit.”
“You first.”
Fair enough. I roll up a five, cuz I’m on a budget, put it to a line and blow it up my nose.
Yowza!
Back in the day when I was little, me and Andre and Steve Roach was watching Miami Vice and tried snorting some sugar. We wanted to be like the drug dealers. I went first.Lemme tell you, that shit burnt the fuck outta my nose. I sniffed that shit and started sneezing and coughing and spitting. Them two didn’t want any sugar after me.
That’s what the 2CE felt like. It burnt like a motherfucker. My nose starts running and my eyes are watering and shit. I tell her to do her line and I’ma take a dump.
I’m in the bathroom shitting and I start hearing echoes but ain’t nobody talking and the walls start moving in and breathing in and out. I got this picture of Jesus and he’s just staring at me while I shit. It’s fucking wit me.
I start talking to it like, “Hell naw Jesus, I’m fucked up.”
He don’t say shit back.
It ain’t been but 5 minutes since I put it in my nose and I’m trippin’. I gotta get out of here. I wipe my ass and get the fuck gone.
I come out and she’s sitting on the couch nervous talking bout, “The rug looks like water.”
I’m like, “It ain’t water you just trippin, relax.”
Lately whenever I trip balls It’s always with a beginner because all my old trippin balls friends have went and joined AA, or got married, or got their shit together. Me, I really like hallucinogens so I’ma keep doing em till I get bored.
What happens is when I talk my square friends into doing drugs with me and since they’re rookies, I gotta walk em through it. When doing this one has to appear totally confident to help them be more comfortable with their trip. Let em feel like they’re safe. So I told her to chill the fuck out and be cool and I left out the fact that I was talking to a picture of Jesus while taking a shit.
I’m like, “Just pretend like you’re on a raft and you’re floating down a river, you may see some shit you like and you may see some shit you don’t like, just remember it’s not permanent, it’ll change. Just go wit it.”
She chills, she’s all, “OK.”
And I’m thinking I shoulda been a motivational speaker.
I go and snort some more, cuz it seemed like the right thing to do.
M83’s on the ipod. I feel the burn. I look up and see sound waves.
You remember that movie Predator, when the Predator uses his super alien camouflage and goes damn near invisible and starts fucking people up? He looked all wavy on that shit. That’s what that music looked like, it looked like the fucking Predator. The Predator was in my house, chilling above the lamp, by my ficus.
I say, “Aw shit.”
She’s like, “What?”
“I see the song.”
“Me too.”
“This is fun, ain’t it?”
She says, “Yeah, real fun.”
We watch the music for a while out in the living room, Coltrane and Debussy and Daft Punk and M83. We close our eyes and each song takes us to a different place, a different time. I’m in a speak easy in the south somewhere in the 20’s listening to Coltrane. Air’s got me floating down a river and the sky’s orange from the setting sun. I watch music notes dance through my head to Debussy. Daft Punk comes on and we change it.
We hit the bedroom and fuck for a while, I eat her pussy to M83, it’s epic. I wanna send ‘em a “thank you” note. Lower Your Eyelids to Die With the Sun, it’s something special.
I take a Viagra, cuz that’s what I do - I do drugs, eat dick pills, and sport fuck. It works for me.
Some songs feel as if they’re going on forever and they’re 5 minutes long. I gotta keep checking my dick to make sure I didn’t nut.
We’re taking a breather. I say, “Wow! These drugs are so much fun!”
She’s like, “Oh my gosh, you sounded so white just then.”
I’m like, “I am white.”
She says “You should just be yourself. You don’t need to put on a front, just be yourself.” Silence. “You don’t have to act all tough. My friends read your blog. They tell me what you say.”
I don’t touch that. I’m keeping it light I didn’t snort this shit so I could discuss how her fucking friends view me from my blog. Fuck them.
She’s like, “You know in college, I was in the all black dorm, I was around all the black kids, so we got more in common than you think.”
I’m thinking, ‘What that we both know black people? I don’t give a fuck if you came up around black people. That don’t mean shit to me. You think I find value in that? That what you think of me? I’m some wigger that gives a shit about the race of the people you went to school with? I respect her cuz she put herself through school, I fuck wit that.’
But I laugh it off, I’m like, ‘Fuck, I’ll entertain this.’
I go, “Oh yeah, is that so? You hung out with black people in college. What school you go to again?”
She’s like, “Stanford.”
“Stanford huh? I got a feeling that your black people are a lot different than the kids I grew up with.”
And I’m laughing.
I like her but she don’t know me that good. That takes time. And I’m not trying to get deep, I’m trying to get loose.
Coltrane comes back on the shuffle, and I’m back on the bayou at sunset and I’m kneading her ass. I like this drug.
We fuck for hours till she’s bleeding, fucking condoms. I guess we needed lube. I take off the rubber and we fuck some more and when I finally do cum, it’s buckets. I cum buckets- in my hand, on her belly, it’s dripping on the sheets. This goes on for damn near 2 minutes till I’m spilling all over the place.
All you hear is me moaning and laughing and moaning some more. Life is good.
We drink some water and eat some xanax and I go to sleep praying that she remembers to take that morning after pill.
Plan B.
Next day with Nathan and Ana, I’m dead to the world.
