healthy smiles
Back when I was a teenager I was having problems with my molars. I hadn’t been to the dentist since the 5th grade, when my dad stopped getting health insurance. Our new health insurance was, Don’t Get Sick Health Insurance.
We were what you might classify as “the working poor”. Barely making rent, missing it some months, scraping by. That’s at both of my houses, my mom’s and my dad’s. That health shit was a luxury. And to be honest with you I never really much thought about it. Being a kid and all.
Both my parents had bad teeth so it was important to them for us to keep our shit healthy. A few times a year my pops would call me to his dresser.
He’d be like, “Jude come ‘er.”
He’d pull from his top drawer a mason jar with about 5 or 6 yellow rotted out teeth in it.
He’d shake it in my face and start yelling, teeth clanging away against the glass, “Look at this! Look at this!! These are my teeth, this is what happens if you don’t brush your teeth!”
I’d roll my eyes, “Yeah yeah…”
And he’d stick his finger in his mouth, pull back his cheek to expose gaps where his teeth used to be.
” Look at that!! Brush ya fuckin teeth!! Or you’ll end up like me!!”
And I’d be like, “Aight dad, damn.”
I did brush my teeth but them shits got fucked up anyway. I guess I shoulda flossed more.
My ma saw some ad in the paper, a new local dentist was charging 60 bucks for fillings and a cleaning. She got it in her head that she was gonna take me there. I didn’t think much of it, my ma’d get lots of shit in her head of stuff we were sposed to do but never did it.
Like we were sposed to wake up early before school, ride our bikes, get breakfast, ride to the park, and then ride into school. Maaan, we ain’t never do that shit. We’d be fucking tired in the morning, or me and my ma would get up late. It was always something and it never happened. But every year she’d say same thing, we were gonna do it.
It wasn’t like she didn’t want to do that shit but she was working her ass off to raise 3 kids and take care of her drunk ass, jobless, dead beat husband, Bruce. I’m good with Bruce now, when you get older you get perspective, but back then I used to hate his ass.
He’d take the van out all night, show up at four in the morning drunk, van on E. We’d be fucking running out of gas on the way to school. I’d have to go up into the gas station and get 37 cents on pump 2 and pray that we made it there without running out. And when we’d get home, this motherfucker’d be posted up on the couch watching soaps with his sun glasses on, eating popcorn, writing his name on the food in the fridge.
What I’m sayin is, I didn’t really expect her to get up and take us on bike rides in the morning, her working multiple jobs and all. It was hard for my ma to do a lot of the shit she set out to do for us. So when she said she was gonna get my teeth fixed, I was like, ‘Cool’ but I wasn’t banking on it.
For weeks she’d be like, “Just wait, I’m gonna take you to the dentist when I get paid from this job I did and we’ll get your teeth cleaned and and fix your tooth and maybe we can go and get lunch before that too…..” and she’d be like, “And Jude once you get you teeth fixed you’ll be starting new and you can take better care of them…” and so on.
Shit, she even had the little coupon from the paper saved, folded up with the ad in it.
A few weeks passed, she got her money up, and she made an appointment. I took the first half of school off and we rolled up in there. I remember it was spring, it was sunny and breezy. I remember the parking lot was brand new and the black top was extra black in the sun. And she was so excited to be doing this for me, she was happier than I was.
We roll up in that bitch, I sign in, fill out the paper work, the little dental hygienist lady takes me to the back. I’m sitting there in the dentist chair with my bib on. My ma’s back there with me too.
The dentist comes in and asks how we’re gonna pay for it. My mom’s got the cash in her hand, ready to give it to him. He tells her it’s not enough. He pointing to my forms, showing us how we don’t have insurance. He tells her that ad’s for people with dental insurance. He points at the fine print on the coupon she’s holding. He tells us how much it’s gonna be, it’s like 400 or something. It might as well have been 4000. We ain’t have it.
My ma’s face just breaks. Her eyes well up. She’s standing there with her money in her hand and the coupon in the other and the dentist is thanking us for coming in and asking us to leave. They undo my bib, I get up out the chair, walk down the hallway past the receptionist, past the people in the waiting room and we walk out.
We keep our chin up but we’re embarrassed and she’s mad. She’s mad she ain’t see the fine print and mad they put it there so small. And it breaks my heart, she just wanted to take me to the dentist. We in the parking lot, she’s muttering some shit. We look like someone just stole our bike.
I’m like, “Fuck them mom, I’ll be good. Fuck them coupons wit they fine print and shit. My shit wasn’t even hurting today, I’ll be fine.”
She’s like, “Yeah, fuck them.”
And we hop in the van and drive off on that sunny spring day.
This ain’t a story about being broke or heartbreak or shame, this is a story about trying.
I know she didn’t do everything she wanted to do for us, but she tried her ass off and that’s enough for me.
Look at us, she raised us good and we’re all doing better now. And now we can go and get our teeth cleaned anywhere we damn well please, all of us. And don’t none of our dentists take coupons!
You did a good job mom, you did your best and I love you for it.
Happy Mothers Day!
I hope you’re proud of us, because we’re proud of you!
Teeth fucked up but I was still smiling!
