crossroads
i haven’t been writing much, because i haven’t felt like it. it seems the real world around me is closing in on this blog shit. my mom is sending me letters in the mail, because i hurt her feelings in some throw away sentence i wrote on here. my dad got bummed when i compared him to the wrestler. my aunt had started leaving passive aggresive messages all over this motherfucker and on my facebook. now even my girlfriend’s mom has been checking me out online. i’m not on here talking shit to try and hurt peoples feelings but i fear that my words may make things awkward come thanksgiving. i gotta be around these motherfuckers, i gotta live with them. then there’s girls on here who i’ve dated and still read this. out of respect i haven’t said shit about the bloody valentine, or kicking them out of my bed and my house for talking shit. that’s me being nice. you’re welcome.
maybe i should just study up on the superficial bullshit going on in the media and write snarky little quips about that? i could write about bradgelina and cloe kardashian, and rhiana’s nonsingin’ ass. fuck that, that’s spineless and boring and it’s been done a thousand times over and it’s been done better than i could ever do it. because i don’t give a fuck about john and kate enough to dedicate time to cracking jokes on em. i’ll take it a step further, i don’t want to make this world a dumber place, so i’ll stay out of the celeb business. i’ll leave the gossip to the catty homos and the sassy white girls. all i can do is write about me, and my stories, and how i live in this world.
so it seems we’re at a crossroads a year into this blog. it seems that i’ve been self-censoring my writing in order to spare feelings of the people i love and those i respect. as i look back on this last months work, i don’t like it. it’s safe and boring and i’m not very proud of it. and for what? all over other people’s feelings. well i’m here to tell you right now i’ve come to a decision and i’ve decided, FUCK YOUR FEELINGS. i love you but fuck your feelings. i have to write. i have to be selfish here. it’s not about you, it’s about me. you’ve been warned. you might wanna stop reading this shit here on out. if i wanna talk about how my girlfriend was being a fucking cunt all day sunday and how i wanted to punch her in the face and push her down the side of the mountian, i will. she was and i didn’t. i’ll write about whatever i damn well please. to show you i am a reasonable man, i’m willing to meet you halfway. here is my halfway and once again you’re welcome.
that’s what you’ll see when it gets grimy, maybe.
