the house guest
Dont puked all over the wall in my bathroom. i blamed the grand marnier, he blamed the rosco’s. i don’t know what it was but it stunk. fuckin’ rosco’s chicken and waffles, every time someone comes into town they wanna eat some fucking rosco’s. i don’t understand it, i don’t get it. over priced soul food is what it is, hype. i wish rappers wouldn’t claim rosco’s in their songs and i wouldn’t end up over there on pico and la brea every time a black person visited me.
when we rolled up in that bitch Dont was like, “i don’t want it now.”
i said, “shit i drove all the way down to pico, you eating this shit.”
he got the smothered chicken and waffles with a biscuit, i got the 5 dollar monkey dish of mac and cheese, eggs and a salad. i paid and left the tip. he told me i left too big of a tip. i said you’re just saying that because you’re black. he didn’t even see the bill, how the fuck’s he gonna know the tip?
side note to black people across america: GENERALLY y’all mother fuckers don’t tip well. step your tip game up, you might even get nicer service. not all black people are bad tippers but enough are, to fuck it up for the rest of y’all. 15% is the minimum for good service, that means if you had a decent time at the restaurant and your meal was cool and your waiter was attentive, give em 15%. i used to wait tables and when i saw a black table sit down in my section, i’d be like damn. i knew i was gonna be running back and forth to the kitchen for extra ranch dressing, bacon bits and lemonade refills and getting, maybe 10% for my troubles. wow thanks! me i tip more than 15% because i’ve lived for years off the service industry, so i tend to go over. another thing don’t sit there subtracting percentage points because they weren’t quick enough on your third refill of pop or cuz there wasn’t enough cheese on your pizza, they’re not in charge of making the food they just bring it to you. plus you should be enjoying your meal not looking for reasons not to pay a motherfucker. if you can’t afford the tip, don’t go to the fucking restaurant. simple as that. have a nice meal at subway. you might not like hearing this, but this is what it’s come to. you got me telling you how waiters feel and i’ve worked with and talked to many of ‘em. hey don’t feel bad, i didn’t know how to tip either till somebody told me. i’m just educating cats here, that’s all. if you’re black and a good tipper, don’t get mad at me for saying this, don’t shoot the messenger, get mad at your non-tipping-ass brethren. not to only single you out black people, here a list of other GENERALLY bad tippers.
women
immigrants
and
foreigners
i wish i could talk to you more about what i had originally wanted to talk to you about, i was gonna talk about Dont getting a foot job from Marie Luv, but i got side tracked with all this tipping shit. now i gotta go take Dont to look at the walk of fame. can you believe it? the hollywood walk of fame. Hype. LA’s built on hype. i go to the walk of fame and i see all these tourists from around the world there taking pictures of the side walk. i see these chinese motherfuckers there, they got history, they got culture, they got the great wall, and what do they do? fly halfway around the world to take a picture of the fucking side walk. Hype.
