February 2009
37 posts
nobody gives a fuck about your status.... but i do...
you might not know this about me but i’m the shit. being the shit i have tons of friends. all my friends are movers and shakers. they make things happen. to prove this point i have compiled a list below of thier status updates. now you can witness with your own eyes just how ‘bout it they really are.
Jennifer IS the pains of being unpure at heart.
Rebecca is wondering how dressy...
fork in it style
i was driving home, speaking on the phone with my homie vaugh trizzle the other day, talking about his music career. he told me it was going well and he was working on it, writing songs and shit, and that he was building a myspace page for his music. i pumped the breaks because i almost hit some fucking bum pushing a shopping cart in the service drive, and said, “you’re starting a...
oscar
motherfuckin queen latifah fucked up my favorite part of the oscars: the dead people part. i tivoed that shit just to see the dead actors. nobody wants to see her big, U.N.I.T.Y., who you callin a bitch, livin single ass, in a blue dress butchering a shitty song for the dead. isaac hayes deserved better than that. paul newman deserved better than that. ricardo montebon deserved better than that....
sunday evening with jude
Rebecca: i think angelina jolie might be the most beautiful person ever to walk the earth
me: she has no ass
sponge bob square pants
Rebecca: HAHAHAHA
i think she is STUNNING
have you seen her tonight/
me: nah
i dont partake in the oscars
Rebecca: oh yeah you hate that thats right
me: i do hate
i'm a hater
Rebecca: i am working through it
me: i watch sometimes it just depends
me: my favorite part of the oscars is when they show the dead people
Rebecca: tonight queen latifah is singing throuhg that part
me: jesus christ
what song? end of the road?
Rebecca: hahahah
that would be amazing
she said she was singing during it
who nows
know
s
shell probably just sing heath ledger over and over again
to the tune of beethovens 5
oooh it's opening
musical number!
put it on!
me: you wanna see a trick gimme some pills i'll make heath ledger disappear
Rebecca: haha
me: badump ching
try the veal
Rebecca: ahahhahaahahahaahha
i love you
me: corn
Rebecca: put it on!
me: corny
nah i'm listening to electric light orchestra and i got the pistons tivoed
15 albums on some face book type shit
Think of 15 albums, CDs, LPs (if you’re over 40) that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life. Dug into your soul. Music that brought you to life when you heard it. Royally affected you, kicked you in the wasu, literally socked you in the gut, is what I mean. Then when you finish, tag 15 others, including moi. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill....
a follow up
a few months back i posted this little gem about the wonders of brushing with baking soda. well i still love it. a couple weeks ago a lady friend stayed the night and the next morning she used the baking soda. well she said, “it tastes like the worst semen in the world” i wouldn’t know anything about that. but if you do choose to employ baking soda as your tooth paste try not to...
pills pills pills pills →
the problem with gentrification
gentrification occurs when people with money move into to poor areas and make it nicer thus pricing the area out of range to live for the poor people who lived there originally. it usually goes down like this first gays or artists settle in a low rent area set up a couple shops and then as the years go by restaurants and clothing stores open and the next thing you know every swinging dick from...
chapter 11
ask me about my stock options. no really, ask me about them. they’re worthless. they’re a big pile of shit. they’ll have to go up in price 3000% just for me to get back to even. whatever such is life. before i got this job i was dead broke, living in some shit hole in Korea Town, riding the bus through LA with a busted tooth rotting out in my mouth and no way to get it fixed....
binary star - Reality Check
binary star consists...
“I’ve downgraded our relationship and communication. From now on, we only...”
– Sinem Silla
links and what have you
they say that kids that are breast fed tend to have higher iq’s than kids that weren’t. these kids are gonna be fuckin geniuses.
calvin and hobbs predicts the bailouts 15 years before they occur.
during this fast, every time i get hungry i go and jerk off instead. it’s helped curb the appetite but now i got swamp dick, this rash on my thigh is killing me. these motherfuckers...
this is why you're fat →
a couple of my homies sent me the link to this is why you’re fat because they knew i was fasting. i dont know if they were trying to get me to lose my appetite or get hungry but i found this site pretty amazing. it’s chocked full of excess, from the 7 pound breakfast burrito covered in cheese to the cheese cake on a stick, you can see why motherfuckers are fatter than usual. speaking...
fuck my life →
this shit is like the twitter version of that ym magazine feature where people write in to talk about being mortified because they had their period when they were out with their “bf and the rents” while on “vacay” in mertle beach and how they were totally mortified. it’s quick and gives you hours of pleasure. i’m gonna try and post one.
the fast
last night i dreamt i was in detroit eating fried chicken and french fries. i then woke up and pooped some weird brown flakey stuff out of my body. i then cried myself back to sleep curled up in the fetal position. this fast is a piece of cake!
i’m a vegetarian btw
Click here to see my dream girl →
observation
i was at the video store the other day purchasing a couple movies, miss congeniality and an officer and gentleman. neither one for myself mind you. i don’t have a vagina so i dont give a fuck about an officer and a gentleman and i already own miss congeniality. i do love sandra bullock she’s so fucking adorable. she’s like the sexy girl next door type, my ex even favored her a...
PILL MIX DOWNLOAD →
man we been doing baby wipes since way back.
cottenelle ain’t got shit on me man. baby wipes they keep it clean like a washing machine. i been using them bitches since way back. my coke snorting, espestos cleaning homie Freak Deak swears by them. think about it if you got some poo on your arm would you just drag a paper towel on it? hell no! you would attack it with moisture. it’s good to see they’ve become acceptable....
“the thing about wetting the bed is, it feels nice to do until you figure out...”
really bitch?
nadya suleman - human baby maker
this lady had 6 kids, got artificially inseminated and had 8 more. jesus fucking christ. it’s bad enough when i see the hood rat bitches have a gang of kids on accident but when some nincompoop decides to seek medical help to do it on purpose? wow. what the fuck was the doctor thinking helping her? i mean even bar tenders are obligated to cut a mother fucker...
eharmony why dont you just fuck off already
you might remember me writing in one of my ealier blogs how i feel about eharmony. in case you don’t remember and don’t feel like reading that, i’ll remind you. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. and now i get to pay for it for another 6 months. apparently i didn’t cancel it properly and i didn’t catch that i didn’t cancel it properly within the 3 days...
