Rude Jude Loves You

well at least i got something to write about

i got up this morning and i do what i always do, sit naked at the computer and try and write up some bullshit. i didn’t know what i was gonna write about today. i was probably gonna post a video of some asshole little girl getting fucked up or something. I’m not gonna do that. I’m doing this instead.

i got a call from my cousin Danny, he me told our Nonna died last night. That’s my grandmother on my father’s side, it’s Italian. Somewhere down the line we bastardized it and pronounced it Nonnie.  It had been years since i last saw her, my grandfather moved them away from the family in Detroit and down to florida. She hated it down there. The last time I saw her we all were fighting. It was Christmas Eve and we were screaming on each other for one reason or another.  My Nonnie and Nonno had taken to going to the casino to play the slots and developed a bit of a habit. My Nonnie was the lynch pin that held our family together and when she got addicted to the slots, it was a wrap. They went to the casino on that christmas eve and got back late and the house was a mess, my uncle was still wrapping presents,  nothing was cooked, my aunt was late as usual, half my cousins weren’t there, and the ones who were there were fucking useless. Me and Rachel and Danny and Sarah had tried to organize it, but it was like shoveling shit against the tide with my dysfunctional ass family. everyone started yelling at each other over a bunch of different shit. shit from the present, shit from the past, everything. my daughter was crying because she wasn’t used to all the screaming, me i grew up with it, shit, i was hollering myself, keeping the cycle alive. shit was fucked up.  we squashed it in the end but after that night i kind of wrote those motherfuckers off. yeah i loved em but they stressed me the fuck out. and that was it. i stopped fuckin with ‘em. i’d still see everybody every now and then but i didnt go out of my way to do it and that was pretty much the last that i saw of my grandparents.

when i was just a little kid, it was hard for me growing up. my parents were going through a tumultuous and violent divorce, and going to visit my Nonnie and Nonno had become one of the few places of solace for my sister and i, and we went there often. I love my Nonnie, she took care of me when i was young. she fed me homemade meatballs and made us polenta and pies, and we’d lie on the floor playing while she watched general hospital and we were loved and we were safe. that was enough at the time.

Then you grow up and become an adult and you see your parents and grandparents as the people they are. You see they’re human and have flaws just like everybody else. I wish I had been a little more forgiving of those flaws, let bygones be bygones and just squashed beef a little bit sooner. The last time I spoke to her she could barely talk and i was balling on the phone, like i was 4 again. when i think of my Nonna i”m not gonna think about her flaws, I’m gonna think about all the love she gave and what she did for me and how somehow she was able to keep our crazy ass family together. Lord knows what the Angelini’s are gonna do without her.

i’ll end this little entry with a story she used to tell. i must’ve heard a hundred times while playing cards or bocci or just sitting around having coffee and biscotti.

she’d say, “when jude was just a little boy, he had come over to the house to spend the night and when it was bed time, I says to him, I says, ‘Jude it’s time for you to go to sleep’ and Jude says but ‘Nonnie i’m not tired yet.’ and I says ‘that’s ok you don’t have to go to sleep. just lay down in the bed but whatever you do, don’t close your eyes’ and a few minutes later i’d hear from the bedroom, ‘nonnie my eyes are closing’ and i says ‘don’t you close your eyes’ and Jude’d say ‘but nonnie, my eyes are closing!’ and ‘I’d say you better not close yours eyes’ and i checked him a few minutes later and he was faaast asleep.”

the last time i spoke to her on the phone, she told me she didn’t like saying goodbye. she said “so long” instead. so, so long nonnie, i love you.

.

.

oh is that right? you feel it huh pooh? fuck you pooh. fuck you.

movies

somebody asked me if was i gonna go see Precious. I told them I liked for my incest movies to make me wanna masturbate, not cry. they dropped it. though I did hear from my white friends that the movie was “authentic” to the ghetto experience, and they would know.

I’m not going to see twilight either because i’m not a 12 year old girl, who just started her period and is now into boys. nor am I some 30-something year old woman, grasping to her lost youth by ogling at teenage vampires. pah-fuckin-thetic.

hey dick-head zoolander wants his look back.

"have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire" - 50 Cent

first off lemme tell you about this pet peeve of mine, i hate, i fucking absolutely hate, when i talk rap to white people and they pronounce 50 Cent, fiddy cent, with the hard d’s and shit. that’s not how you say fifty in real life, why you doing that now? i listen to sports talk radio and those corny mother fuckers on there are always doing it or when i meet some motherfucker out to dinner and i tell em where i work and they’re all like, “cool, do you like Fiddy?” even some of my very own friends are guilty of it. i can’t tell whether they’re being patronizing or ironic and they’re doing the whole “hey i’m white, listen to me talk jive” thing or they just dont know what the hell to say. here’s what i have to say. i hate that, stop. when you go on itunes and type in his name to search it isn’t Fiddy Cent, it’s 50 Cent. i just typed in Fiddy Cent and some motherfucker named lazee lamont popped up.

Is that who you were talking about when you asked did i like fiddy? if so, no, no i don’t like that corny looking motherfucker. i like the rapper, 50 cent, kind of.  ok, i think you get my point. i’ll tell you how to pronounce it in the future. Since his name is a number, you just say the number however you pronounce the number and then cent at the end, simple as that.

“Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire.” 50 never lied!

i’m sittin on the toilet this morning taking my morning shit and i forgot to bring in my kick ass, historical fiction viking saga so i start thumbing through The Source Magazine instead and i see the article below and I get heated. i’m shittin and i’m mad. I’m mad at the injustice of this bullshit system we live in. let’s take a look at this shit. let’s look at some of these women down here, who have successfully turned their useless pussies into money making machines. Who needs a job when all you gotta do is find rich motherfucker and poke a hole in the rubber, i’m not saying that’s what they did, but that’s all you need to do with the system we have in place.

there needs to be a statute of limitations, putting a ceiling on how much a person can get in child support per child. no way in hell should the courts be allowed to dole out your money however they see fit. As the parent you have a responsibility to help care for the child NOT to give them part of the fortune you amassed. If a person wants to shower their kid in riches, that should be their choice.

Nas was ordered to pay 40 grand a month. 40 grand a month to this fucking cunt. come on now. that’s just obscene. I’ma tell you something right now. If i was with a chick and it looked like she was gonna try and get  me for that much money, i’d have her fucking killed and vanish her body.  it takes a real heartless, gold diggin, opportunistic, evil bitch, to get in a motherfucker she supposedly loved, pocket’s like and deserves to die. i realize, i can never kill a future ex now, because they’d use this awsome bit of writing i’m doing against me in court, but i’m just saying, she’d be fucking dead, that’s all. Nas, he ended up working it out with Kelis, because he had to. He couldn’t afford to pay her ass all that money. that’s all his Illmatic money and Stillmatic money and It Was Written cash. All he’s gonna be left with was God’s Son. imagine the bullshit he has to deal with now, looking at this evil bitch every fucking day, waking up to her ass. I don’t know how he does it i bet it takes a lot of weed to cope.

for years and years women were getting fucked over by dudes, they’d knock em up an abandon them. i missed those times which kid of sucks. sometimes i wish i could get every girl pregnant but i can’t. now the pendulum has swung too far the other way and has given the woman waaaay too much power to fuck you over and the thing about power is, power corrupts. hopefully we can find a nice middle sometime.

what'd you do today

i woke up, jerked off, shaved my balls, took a shower, washed my ass, and now i’m typing away on this shit. all before 9 in the morning. i’m a bad ass.

tonight if you’re interested, the leonid meteor shower is going on. you can look up into the night sky and see stars falling. i’m kind of stoked on that. i think we’re driving out to the desert to watch it, away from these city lights. in LA the sky is a purple pink and you can barely see the stars. i’m going with the food club, i used to call em asian night but they didn’t like that because they’re asian and for them every night is asian night, so now i just call them food club. i was supposed to watch this leonid shit with my girl but that didn’t work out, we had one fight too many and alas i’m single, again. she told me i was never gonna be happy cause i was a miserable man, i just took it on the chin. i brought up the fact my gloomy out look could be attributed to my bouts with depression, she told me to stop complaining. i do wonder why things are so hard for me, everything’s a struggle. this weekend was my first single weekend, it consisted of watching tv, going to movies, playing backgammon and finding other ways to waste the day till it was time to sleep and i could get out of my head for just a bit. i’ll be straight though, i got new clothes and my balls are shaved, i’m a catch. it’s whatever. i wonder if it’s too soon to start dating again. probably so.

in other news i got a dope artist turning some of these blogs into comics. my goal is to publish a graphic novel of my stories and rants and shit. if there’s any stories you think i should use that you enjoyed lemme know.

backgammon’s like life you can do everything right and with the roll of the dice, still end up losing in the end…..

or you can be a total fuck up and still manage to win. it’s poetic this game.

friday the 13th

So i’m sittin there at the V Cut playing backgammon on the good table with Jimmy Mac. He’s beating the shit out of me, we play to 5, I think it’s 4 games to nothing. Gary the Chef is over there having green tea and a cigar and they’re talking about being a man of god and having love in your heart and that’s how you achieve godliness. I’m halfway ignoring ‘em because I don’t give a fuck about god and cuz I’m getting my ass whooped and i’m sitting there pissed. Jimmy being the New York Irish fuck that he is, is Catholic I don’t know what Gary is, i think Italian Jew, I don’t know what that makes him, but what does it matter they’re talking about god and love and all that shit.

Jimmy says, “I know I’m not a good Catholic because I genuinely don’t like people. My heart is full of malice”

Gary says, “That’s called the human condition.”

And they say some more shit but i’m concentrating on the game, i hit his guy and put him on the rail. Jimmy’s barely paying attention, he rolls the dice comes in. he’s fuckin with his cigar trying to re-wrap the leaf because it’s coming undone and he starts telling this story.

“So I’m at McDonals this morning and I go to stand in line and there’s this guy standing in front of me and i say to him, i say, ‘Excuse me, are you in line?’ and he looks back and says ‘What the fuck do you think?’ and i say ‘What did you just say?’ and he says ‘you heard me’ and i’m fucking pissed but i say ‘hey i just asked you a question, there’s no need to take that tone with me. are you in line or aren’t you?’ and he says ‘what.. the fuck.. do you think?’ so i get an inch from his face and i say, ‘You wanna go mother fucker?’ and….” he hits his cigar. “he backs down. just like that he backs down because i was gonna head butt the shit out of him.”

And Gary’s over there drinking his tea and i just hit two of jimmy’s guys and I’m about to close him out and Gary he says, “I’m sorry but if you got that close to me i would’a hit you. You violated the zone.”

Jimmy says, “i hear you Gary, I’ve been in 5 fights in my life and 4 of them ended in one punch and my hands were to my sides all 4 of those times but this time I was ready with the head butt. he didn’t want any problems so he backed down. and now we’re standing there next to each other and the lady at McDonald’s calls the next person and I look at this prick and i say after you and he says…. ‘I wasn’t in line.’ so i go up and get my order and leave.”

then he rolls double ones, gets both his guys in, hits me and closes to boot. And shake my head and say, “Ain’t that a bitch.”

freeway ricky ross interview!!!

on selling dope

the cia

rick ross taking his name

easy like sunday morning

here’s the third installment of my sunday easy listening mix. enjoy.

sunday broom music part 3

1. junior marvin - police and thieves

2. sister nancy - what a bam bam

3. war - spill the wine

4. modest mouse - float on

5. don henley - boys of summer

6. ratatat - 17 years

7. susnne vega - toms diner

8. the isley brothers - for the love of you

9. floaters - float on (single version)

10. one way - cutie pie

11. fela kuti - zombie

12. common - be

13. slum village - 2U4U

14. erykah badu - didn’t cha know

15. nick drake - pink moon

16. the fleetwoods - come softly to me

17. aretha franklin - day dreaming

18. buena vista social club - chan chan

click here for the mix

or here

or here

or here

but not here