Rude Jude Loves You
the many looks of john
this is john. these are his looks.
shout to balony boy. i got this from his blog. verbatim.
they call it the fun theory, i call it, the get off your lazy ass and walk up the stairs theory.
use it or lose it my people.
now excuse me, i’ma go hit some squat thrusts.
hard luck cheerleader - flu shot ruins cheerleader’s life
this shit is old as hell but it’s new to me. my homeboy josh from bum-fights put me onto this. he thought it was funny, kind of. i think it’s fucked up. but i do see where he got the humor out of it, it looks like she’s doing “the stanky leg”.
this is what happened, she got a flu shot and it turned her retarded. can you imagine? this poor girl had her whole life ahead of her and poof, just like that, it’s gone. and what had she done? she got some shit the doctors tell you to get!
look i’m no doctor and i have no facts whatsoever to back this up, but here’s where i’m gonna go with this: flu shots and vaccines are there to make the doctors money. who the fuck needs a flu shot? that don’t do shit do nothing for you. i remember my doctor back in NYC, alwasy trying to get me to get a flu shot. i said why? she says so you dont get the flu. i said i dont get the flu anyway, because i’m strong like bull. all those vacines and shit, that’s for fighting malaria in 3rd world countries, where they drink water from mud puddles and ride yaks. here in the u.s of a we have soap and clean water. we dont need that shit. the shit we need is a little dirt. all these antibacterial soaps are turning us into a big bunch of pussies. i’ve never seen so many kids with allergies and shit. i read somewhere that dirt actually helps strengthen the immune system. as a matter of fact i think those vaccines turn kids retarded. i know a gang of people who got little rainmans running around off that vaccine shit, allegedly. shit is wild. i don’t know if it’s true but i dont see the use in medicating a mother fucker for some shit he doesn’t have. this ain’t the 50’s no more we don’t have to worry about polio. if you’re that concerned about getting sick i say don’t stick needles in you, get down like the asians and buy you a SARS mask.
getting back to their ninja roots!!
father and son
i was driving with my dad in his chevrolet chevet, down walton blvd when he decided to have the sex talk with me. i didn’t want to have the sex talk with him. i already knew about sex from health class and from stealing dirty mags from richard my downstairs neighbor on harding ave. he was on welfare, read sci-fi novels, collected porn and he lived below our flat. his mom owned the house, so he didn’t pay rent and he got welfare, so he didn’t work. he’d just lie in his bed all day looking at the tv and smoking weed, he’d jerk off every now and then but that’s it. he didn’t even get out of his bed to change the channel, he had a long stick for that, he’d just poke at the tv with it when he wanted to see something different. every now and then he’d have to run up to the gas station for smokes, that’s when i’d break into his crib and steal the playboys and hustlers and oui magazines and take ‘em back upstairs to beat off. i knew all about sex, where the dick went, how babies were made, all that. my dad, he didn’t know that shit. he was taking me to my mom’s apartment in countryside. that’s where i grew up, countryside circle, auburn hills michigan. i lived a week at a time between there and with my dad in rochester, i went to school in rochester, but i never felt like i belonged there, so countryside was home and that’s where he was taking me and that’s when he decided to have the talk.
it was tight quarters in the chevet, me and my pop were both big dudes. my shoulder touched his shoulder and both our shoulders touched the window. i was 5’10, weighed 230, and had dreadlocks and tits. my pop was big too. he’s a big ass italian from Leominster, Mass, over there by Wooster. he says cah instead of car and bah instead of bar and he claims he knows people in the mob. maybe he does but they aren’t super cool, i never met ‘em. he’s always tellin stories about porky valeri getting his had smashed to bits with a ball-peen hammer and how his buddies took some puerto rican into the mountains, stripped him naked and poured battery acid in his butt hole, then threw him down the hill. i don’t believe that last story and if it is true it don’t mean shit cuz the PR’s run leominster now, i guess all the italians moved to some nicer spot. he said he coulda been in the mob but he decided to go straight. so that’s why we were wedged into his piece of shit, rusted out chevet. and he was taking me from his shitty one bedroom apartment where he, my sister and myself lived, to another piece of shit subsidized apt, where we lived with my ma, because he decided to go straight. thanks for going straight.
i remember right where i was when the talk started. we just drove past old perch road when he turns down the radio, looks over at me and he says all serious like, “Jude.”
i look at him back, our arms touching and i say, “Yeah?”
he says, “Do you know what cunnilingus is?” and he’s doing this shit with his face that he does when he tries to look somber, with this half frown and these puppy dog eyes and he repeats himself, “Do you know what cunnilingus is?”
i think i do but i figure he wants to tell me so say, “naw, what’s cunnilingus?”
so he says, “when a man loves a woman very much, he takes her into the bedroom and puts his mouth on her vagina and he licks it with his tongue.”
i look at him disgusted, i’m like, “oh hell naw!! that’s fucking gross, i’m not putting my face where some fucking bitch pees out of and bleeds out of once a month. you gotta be fuckin’ crazy!”
at the time i really felt like this, one: because i never even touched a pussy so the idea of eating one seemed a bit daunting and two: because i grew up with black kids, i had adopted some of there morals and folkways and not eating pussy was one of them.
my dad keeps pressing, he’s goes, “no, Jude, listen to me. the ladies, love when you go down on them. you lick their clitoris till they go crazy and cum.” and he sticks out his tongue and he touches his nose.
i tell him, “i ain’t eating no pussy.”
he says, “you will.”
i say, ‘i’m not.”
he says, “oh you’re gonna eat pussy.”
i scream, “I’m not eatin’ no mother fuckin’ pussy, chill out with that shit!”
and he stares at me in silence and i stare back at him in silence, mean mugging him, and he turns his head and he’s staring ahead at the street. we sit there, it’s quiet and i’m grateful for that.
we drive about half mile in silence when he breaks it. he says, looking at the road, “Do you know what analingus is?”
i say, “don’t even tell me.”
“that’s when you love a women very much, like how i loved your mother, you take her in the bathroom, wash her up and get her squeaky clean and you lick her asshole. like i used to do your mom. make sure you get her squeaky clean cuz they shit out of there and you could get sick. get her nice and squeaky clean, you don’t wanna get shit in your mouth because you can sick off the feces, that’s what the Vietcong did in nam, dipped spikes in shit to kill soldiers….”
i tried to protest but he just went on about licking my moms ass and nam and saying squeaky clean over and over again till i just gave up and took it. took it on the chin, crammed in that chevet with my pop while he told me about the birds and the bees. i can’t hear the phrase squeaky clean without thinking of my dad touching his nose with his tongue and licking ass.
looking back when he was telling me about tossing my moms salad, inappropriate as it was. he wasn’t trying to disgust me. he was just tryin’ to tell me about a time when my mom and dad actually loved each other. and in showing his love for her, he licked butt. my pop never got over losing my ma. probably because it was mostly his fault. it must be tough to live with a regret that big for so long.
as for me. my dad was right. i’m a grimy dude. i eat pussy and i eat ass and i dont even make em get squeaky clean before i do it either.
crossroads
i haven’t been writing much, because i haven’t felt like it. it seems the real world around me is closing in on this blog shit. my mom is sending me letters in the mail, because i hurt her feelings in some throw away sentence i wrote on here. my dad got bummed when i compared him to the wrestler. my aunt had started leaving passive aggresive messages all over this motherfucker and on my facebook. now even my girlfriend’s mom has been checking me out online. i’m not on here talking shit to try and hurt peoples feelings but i fear that my words may make things awkward come thanksgiving. i gotta be around these motherfuckers, i gotta live with them. then there’s girls on here who i’ve dated and still read this. out of respect i haven’t said shit about the bloody valentine, or kicking them out of my bed and my house for talking shit. that’s me being nice. you’re welcome.
maybe i should just study up on the superficial bullshit going on in the media and write snarky little quips about that? i could write about bradgelina and cloe kardashian, and rhiana’s nonsingin’ ass. fuck that, that’s spineless and boring and it’s been done a thousand times over and it’s been done better than i could ever do it. because i don’t give a fuck about john and kate enough to dedicate time to cracking jokes on em. i’ll take it a step further, i don’t want to make this world a dumber place, so i’ll stay out of the celeb business. i’ll leave the gossip to the catty homos and the sassy white girls. all i can do is write about me, and my stories, and how i live in this world.
so it seems we’re at a crossroads a year into this blog. it seems that i’ve been self-censoring my writing in order to spare feelings of the people i love and those i respect. as i look back on this last months work, i don’t like it. it’s safe and boring and i’m not very proud of it. and for what? all over other people’s feelings. well i’m here to tell you right now i’ve come to a decision and i’ve decided, FUCK YOUR FEELINGS. i love you but fuck your feelings. i have to write. i have to be selfish here. it’s not about you, it’s about me. you’ve been warned. you might wanna stop reading this shit here on out. if i wanna talk about how my girlfriend was being a fucking cunt all day sunday and how i wanted to punch her in the face and push her down the side of the mountian, i will. she was and i didn’t. i’ll write about whatever i damn well please. to show you i am a reasonable man, i’m willing to meet you halfway. here is my halfway and once again you’re welcome.
that’s what you’ll see when it gets grimy, maybe.
Happy Halloween!!!shout out to my sister Rachel for reminding me of this halloween classic.
what are you gonna be for halloween?!! i don’t care!!! i’m going as a washed up tranny!!! i’ll be giving out candy over on sweetzer and beverly, come see me. i think the kids’ll like me, they’ll sit on my lap, i’ll give em long hugs. my costume was inspired by the tranny at target that rung me up yesterday. he was looking haggard as hell, in his 40’s with a bit of a 5 o’clock shadow, smelled of armpits and assholes doused with shitty perfume. he was a real train-wreck. people don’t think about what happens to trannies when they age but if you worked by where i work, over there on santa monica, you’d see tons of them. a bunch of middle aged dudes with tits, chillin at starbucks, living their life.
rude jude loves you
check for the pics tomorrow
floyd mayweather vs RA the rugged man part 2
Floyd Mayweather vs RA the Rugged Man - part 1
well RA the Rugged man came on the show yesterday and we were talking boxing. he called out Mayweather on the air and called him a coward and said he ducked fights. something i agreed with but didn’t have the history to back it up. if you ask me RA got at him and served floyd his first L of his career. there’s 2 parts check back tomorrow for the second.
happy aniversary to me!!
it seems like just yesterday it was 97 and i was up in the OCC library fucking with people in chat rooms, claiming the name “PANTIE CHASER”, tryin to holler at chicks….. i was 18 gimme a break. now look how far the internet has come in those 12 years. even a motherfucker like me, mr. pantie man himself can have his very own lil blog! when i started this blog a year ago, i was just doing it to fuck off some time. well it’s grown in readers since then and i wanna thank cats for keeping up with me. below me are some links to earlier writing here on RUDE JUDE LOVES YOU. check it out if you’re new to RJLY, some of the writing’s inspiring and some of it is riddled with grammatical errors.
i know the spelling and grammar is fucked up but i’m sure y’all still get the gist.
rude jude highlights, eharmony, gay marriage, kanye west and banging animals
how to bang a white chick, the election and obama
dating services, thanksgiving, shopping for bullshit, viagra and shitty bands
peter shiff on the economy, peep it peter shiff on the economy
Lap dances in flint, cunts, herpes and airplanes
how much i hate xmas cards how much i hate your kids
bachelor parties bachelor parties
eharmony, big families and bitches who dissed me
i found this pic on some lesbian’s photobucket page.
press play above and listen to the sham wow song, they jack the welcome to jam rock beat and freak that shit.
shout to 2tone for lacing this!
side note, my home boy stephan has the sham wow, i’ve seen him clean up whole glasses of wine off the carpet with them motherfuckers. impressive.
there’s this song by william devaughn, you might of heard it before. it goes, “diamond in the back, sunroof top, diggin’ the scene with the gangster lean.. gangsta white walls….” you know the song right? it’s called be thankful. this video right here. makes me thankful for what i got because right now after watching this video, i’m feeling like john holmes in this bitch.
check out the email i got from my home boy nicholas
From the Canada Free Press :
First Lady Requires More Than Twenty Attendants
July 7, 2009
Written by Dr. Paul L. Williams
“In my own life, in my own small way, I have tried to
give back to this country that has given me so much,”
she said. “See, that’s why I left a job at a big
law firm for a career in public service, “… Michelle
Obama
No, Michele Obama does not get paid to serve as the First
Lady and she doesn’t perform any official duties. But
this hasn’t deterred her from hiring an unprecedented number of staffers to cater to her every whim and to satisfy her every request in the midst of the Great Recession. Just think, Mary Lincoln was taken to task for purchasing china for the White House during the Civil War. And Mamie Eisenhower had to shell out the salary for her personal secretary from her husband’s salary. Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by taxpayers:
Mamie Eisenhower : 1 paid for personally out of President’s salary
Jackie Kennedy: 1
Roseline Carter: 1
Barbara Bush: 1
Hilary Clinton: 3
Laura Bush: 1
Michele Obama: 22
How things have changed! If you’re one of the tens of
millions of Americans facing certain destitution, earning
less than subsistence wages stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart
or serving up McDonald cheeseburgers, prepare to scream and
then come to realize that the benefit package for these
servants of Ms Michelle are the same as members of the
national security and defense departments and the bill for
these assorted lackeys is paid by YOU, John Q. Public:
Michele Obama’s personal staff:
1. $172,200 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the
President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First
Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the
President and White House Social Secretary for Mrs. Obama)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to
the President and Director of Communications for the First
Lady)
5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the
President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lel yveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press
Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling
and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy
and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and
Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman,
Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events
Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance
and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and
Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and
Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special Assistant for
Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of
Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samanth a (Deputy Associate Director,
Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to
the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the
Social Secretary)
21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate
Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
(total = $1,591,200 in annual salaries)
There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time
who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties
are the facilitation of the First Lady’s social life.
One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid
Grimes-Miles, 49, and “First Hairstylist” Johnny
Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe .
Copyright 2009 Canada Free Press.Com
canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/12652
Yes, I know, The Canadian Free Press
had to publish this perhaps because America no longer has a free press and the USA media is too scared
that they might be considered racist or suffer at the hands of Obama. Sorry America !
SICKENING………ISN’T IT? by Dr.Paul L. Williams
mr. rude jude’s thoughts on it…
the so-called, Dr. paul l. williams may find her actions sickening but i find her actions heroic and or patriotic, as well as daring, brave and godly. michelle obama is single handily boosting our economy! that’s more than i can say for those republican mother fuckers out there, what the fuck are they doing? not a god damned thing. so if the messiah’s wife needs a staff assistant to her social secretary, then she damn well better have one and furthermore we damn well better be grateful for it! so i would like to thank mrs. michelle obama fighting recession one job at a time. and if you have a problem with what she’s doing, it probably means you’re a racist. so go burn a cross some where you small minded pathetic little racist.
thank you michelle, thank you so much!!!!
